Everything is Ready!
Everything is ready? I don't know. We have moved to a new apartment. We have set up the bed for baby. We have bought a full cupboard of baby stuffs. We have attended a few of those baby caring classes. We have learned how to do the breathing. We have taken a good number of 4D pictures of Jacob.
What else? I guess it is the heart to be a parent. I am not saying that I don't have the heart for it. I am just saying that I still have no idea what will happen, and what should we do when it happens. But I guess I don’t really have to worry about that. I remember I also had no idea about what would happen when two person live together. But turns out we are doing very fine, and having any foresight about it was not the pre-requisite. I guess (and hope) that the same holds true for living with our new member of the family.
Happy Jac Jac
I wish my Jac Jac is a happy baby. If I would make a list of his personal goals, and sort the items, I believe "to be happy" should be on the top of his list.
But as a demanding Dad, I would also like him to be happy with discipline, without selfishness, and with wisdom. I guess I am asking too much, as in my experience, I had these same things on myself, and I end up don't feel happy anymore.
Tummy Game
Lately we are playing a “game” with Jac Jac. When Chris gently pad on her tummy, Jac Jac would then react and shake his body and make the tummy “vibrate” a bit. We could really observe (and enjoy) this vibration reaction with our eyes as well (plus I believe Chris could feel the movement inside herself.
Tell you the truth I really can’t tell if he is really playing with us, or he just feels uncomfortable with our padding and so he is actually “struggling”. And that’s why we can’t over do it. However, as a father, this is already one of the closest way for me to interact with the baby! You know, usually this interaction is exclusive for mother only! And I am jealous about it!
First Kick
My sweet wife Chris worries about how my boy is slowing down in response. I could only share her feeling by how she describe to me and by showing me her joy with her facial expression. So I can't tell what it feels like to have a baby inside. She has been telling the baby to "kick" her or at least to show her some sign to reassure his existence. And he did. I guess he did, because Chris said that she could feel some strange feeling inside, like he is swimming around and turning. It is a very exciting moment. I also feel the joy too, because we can sense a life among us, within us, and as a result of us. The feeling is so great.
老婆唔開心
唔知點解老婆昨晚到現在都唔開心。唔知會不會是工作很困擾。希望她想起Jacob時會可以開心番晒。
她真是很偉大。要bear一個BB是一件很辛苦的過程，而且和她本來的性格並不相合，所以她的付出真的很大。老婆，多謝你。
Give a chance for a life, a new life
30 minutes after I posted my thought, my wife share with me a very deep and touching thought about life (lives).
She said that the whole thing is about how we are giving a chance for another life to get started. It is not about how we need to control that life.
It is like how we are donating a ticket of Disney to a kid for him/her to enjoy (the assumption is that we also have enjoyed our time in Disney ourselves). We think that Disney is a good place to have fun, so we invite another soul to go there and enjoy. We might suggest to them which attraction and games to go for, we might even suggest the sequence and tactics to go for those attraction / games, but we should not be bothered if he/she would walked in the park differently.
Yes, it is a grace from God or who/what ever that we could be part of making the “Life” itself going forward and doing little bits and pieces of enhancement here and there for the whole race. It is like the philosophy of the open source software platform: everybody could, if willing to, have the chance to take part in the progress of the mankind. This feeling is great.
To become a Dad (Help!)
It has been great to have the feeling that I could have the second chance to do what I have done, again, in a better way or not, with the heart, soul, brain and body of my kid. It is a mixed feeling about how in the first place I don’t want to step into the old parenthood style which force the child to replicate their own thought; but on the other hand I do have lots of experiences sitting there trying to jump into his coming unplanned agenda of himself.
I know I hate this if my parent did that on me (practically, my parents didn’t do that on me, or I didn’t allow them to), and so I have to avoid that myself. But after 30+X years of experiences, I really learnt a lot! I really have something to share! And I really hope that my kid won’t waste his time on the same thing that I regretted to waste time for, or hope that my kid would have started something that I missed my chances. I know my parents (especially my dad) should have thought that million times for the past 30 years....
Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I am so eager to going for being a teacher now. I really would like to learn the way to share my heart, my soul, my brain (but not my body) to other people. And if I know how to do this with a stranger, I am sure I could then do that with my kid. I know my dad is suffering from the inability in doing this. I observed his pain, and I am trying to avoid that. Thanks dad. I have started to know how it is like to be you.
I used to tell a joke about Ferrari. I said that it is not rich enough even if I drive a Ferrari myself. I could really call myself rich if I could give a Ferrari to my kid as his/her birthday present. I now have that feeling. I am still no body even if I could be a successful / good heart / rich / giving / whatever person, until if my kid could become one.
I really would like to be a good dad. A real dad. And I need help on that. But I know the strength and effort should be coming from within. For that I could only pray. Thanks God. Thanks Justin.
The name is Hugo !
Today we discover that Little H is Hugo. We see a little Walnut type of ball between his little thighs, so that’s why we confirm now he a Boy (So amazing, some weeks ago we saw him in a picture, and his body was only as big as a walnut himself).
So his name is Hugo. Half of the job is done (well, it was done long time ago, we are just confirming it). It is time for us to think about the Chinese name as well, which is much tougher job than the English name, because the sound of my Chinese surname is the same pronunciation as “No” in Cantonese (my surname is “Ng”). So whatever good meaning of the name he has, it would be reversed after putting the surname in front of it. That’s why it is a tough job to think of some name which sounds good and looks good, but doesn’t have a real meaning when it is put together.
Dream Kid
I had a dream last night that I have a kid. A Young kid, perhaps 6~8 years old, like a friend of mine. This is the first time I dream of a kid. As usual I can’t remember anything about that dream. But at least I remember that I had this dream. Usually when one dreams of something, it means that one has been thinking of it during the day.
Little H
小H是一個很乖的孩子,她雖然在建設組織職自己的過程中帶給Lenbe很多不舒服，但是也算是預料之中的事。一個大的轉變會使人很緊張，但也會使人覺得有一個重新開始的機會。多謝小H給這個機會給我。
Babyhood
Lenbe suddenly reminded me that we had a book called "Babyhood" by Paul Reiser. I bought this book 8 years ago in Sydney, because I liked the book "Couplehood" by the same author. Of course, since at that time I was ready for the couplehood thing but I had really nothing to do with babyhood. Now perhaps it is about time for me to pick it up and start reading it. It smells good. Like an old kind of dishes that you have missed for a long time, and suddenly it is placed in front of you.
Let me share with you guys what it is all about after I really have time to read it (after I read practise my GMAT and write my research proposal) (which would be next Feb) (just in time before Little H's appointment which is near Easter).
Tired Lenbe and Little H
Today Little H made Lenbe very tired. Perhaps it is a major construction going on today. Perhaps it is the nose or eyes or something. It is not a good time to go to Disneyland. But we do. I am going to bring Lenbe and Little H to Disney Hotel (and of course the Disneyland) to celebrate Little H's mum's birthday. I guess we would not running around too much, as it would be too many people as the flesh wall to stop us running. My plan is to relax ourselves and promise ourselves not to rush to anything, as oppose to the style of the rest of the Hongkongers. And I believe I am good at that. Hope the relaxing environment would be great for both Lenbe and Little H.
My Father
We have dinner with my parents this evening. Dad told me and mum that he got a friend who just gave birth to a pair of twin baby girl, very cute, very heavy.
With all the excitment on his face he then said his friend has been married 2 years time, same as me. Then mum look at him and then me, giving me the suggestive look. The look which says "married for 2 years, and then kids". Of course I well recieve that look.
For some time I very reluntant to serve their wishes in this aspect because I don't want to do something just because they ask me to do. But now since we have make our own decision (even on the same topic any how), the feeling is completely different. I would some how anticipate that they are also going to share our joy. I am doing something good, and they could share it. This feeling is good.
The Incredibles
It is very excited to have the idea of starting a family. I have to admit that I still believe the Pixar new effort "The Incredibles" is one of my catalysis to confirm the baby making decision.
It would be a long road, I know. And it would be difficult. But I believe it would be an exciting and meaningful journey, for both of our kids and for ourselves as a couple. We are not doing this only for ourselves, or only for the kids. We are going to form (or expand) the team, and we are going to have fun as a team.
I don't need my kids to have super power. I only need them to be happy, kind heart, and willing to listen my speech (and I know that is the hardest part!).
First Step of Our Journey
This is the first step of our journey towards the arrival of our new family member. The tentative name for her/him is Hazel or Arthur (the baby naming was even before the first step! See how excited we were already!)
We would like to record every single moment of our thoughts, feelings, experiences, happiness and arguments during this journey. And most important of all, we hope that we could let Hazel/Arthur knows her/his story before she/he was even born.
